Last week I had my first Body Stress Release Session. At the beginning of the session I was asked for all the injuries I’ve had throughout my life and any discomforts I often experience in my body. So – I drew up a list and noticed that with most of the weak points in my body from injuries earlier in my life, I still would sometimes experience them as a discomfort. However, there was one injury that I developed during my dance training in my upper back that I never really felt anymore and that I listed simply because I was asked for everything.
Interestingly, of all the points he worked on, the one in my upper back was the most painful. The practitioner let me know after the session that this was the point that had the most stress in it and showed me how it affected also my shoulders, chest and ribcage. After the session I felt super-light, I hadn’t experienced myself to be ‘in’ my body like that in a very long time, felt like ‘I had my body back’. Later during the day, though, I started feeling that point in my back continuously, whether I was standing, sitting or walking and felt a heat and pain radiate outward from it spreading throughout my back. So, I could in those moments feel to what extent my body was now processing all the stress that I had locked in that one spot in my spine.
So – as I was preparing food for the horses I pondered at why I was so unaware of this point in my body when it actually entailed the most amount of stress, so I figured it’s the point I had most thoroughly suppressed and was most reluctant to face. I then started looking at the time in my life when I had this injury, bringing back my experience at the dance school. It was a very emotional time in my life, though had worked through many of the points already (I shared about my experiences of that time in a video – The Black Swan in Me – if you want to check it out), though there was one dimension that stood out that was still charged, which was the experience of not being able to talk about it with anyone and then the loneliness and isolation I went into. It wasn’t of course that I couldn’t talk to anyone about it, but more that – when I tried speaking to friends or family members about my experience there, it was like they just couldn’t grasp it, which makes sense because they hadn’t experienced that for themselves and I didn’t really understand what it was that I was experiencing at the time either. So, it felt pointless talking to them about it.
Now – the most interesting part is that this was the exact same point/experience I was working with in my process, which had opened up two days before my body stress release session. Ahh – the specificity of it – another moment of ‘walking this process is awesome’, lol.
I will continue in my next post, expanding on this pattern of feeling that I couldn’t speak to anyone about certain experiences and that I had no choice but to walk with a burden on my own.