I just saw a post on Facebook from a mom sharing a picture of her daughter who was ready for her first ballet class, showing her daughter all dressed up in her little ballet suit, with the tights, the flats (ballet shoes), a tutu and her hair tied up. As I saw the picture I remembered my own first ballet class and how I was dressed. I was only wearing a suit and the flats. I also recalled how sad I felt in that first lesson, and even back in the shop as we were buying the outfit. Because when I had pictured my ballet outfit, I had imagined a skirt as a part of it as well. When I asked my mom about it in the shop, she said I wouldn’t need it, so we weren’t going to buy one. Then in the first class, I saw some of the other girls did have a skirt and I felt ‘naked’ compared to them.
As I was looking at this memory, I realized an interesting point – that at one time I enjoyed and wanted the ‘extra’s’, the frilly stuff, the niceties. See – throughout my teenage and adult years, I believed I was someone who doesn’t enjoy those things, that I prefer keeping things basic, just do stuff with what you need and not indulge with extra’s and niceties, dismissing them as frivolous and silly. So, I’d adopted this entire self-belief that ‘I like things simple’ – when, if I look back at this memory in my childhood – that’s not really true. I also remember a bathing suit I had as a child that had pretty dots and frillies, and I absolutely loved that bathing suit, and a skirt I’d gotten from my grandmother in Spain that had the typically Spanish layers that open up as you twirl – was in love with that skirt. But I didn’t have many of those things as a child.
If you look at for instance the skirt in ballet – I can see it as a frilly, unnecessary accessory – but when in action – that skirt ads and accentuates the flowy and graceful expression of the movements – why not relish in that? With anything you do – you always have the structural dimension and you have the expressive dimension – and interestingly, in how I was raised to do with the basics, I aligned myself to the structural dimension of things: what do I need to do to get this done? And so, neglecting on the expressive side of it in looking at: having fun within it, or adding the little extra touches of ‘me’ in it – things that are not crucial to the project or task at hand, but that bring more life into it.
As I’m writing about this point, I can almost ‘feel’ a space opening up within me of allowing myself to explore this aspect in/of myself that for the longest time I had convinced myself didn’t exist. And, no kidding, as I was writing this blog, Kim showed me something she has crafted and asked if I wanted to join her in it, so that’s on my agenda for tomorrow – will give an update ;).
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