I wrote a blog ‘There, But for the Grace of You, Go I’ – and since writing it, there have been a variety of instances/moments where the word ‘grace’ came up as a word to investigate and learn to live. So, I started writing: How have I lived the word ‘grace’ thus far in my life?
Growing up doing ballet, I have understood the words grace as a way of moving: drawing amazing figures/forms with your body, yet doing it in such a way that makes it seem effortless. I was often asked: ‘You do ballet, right?’, where I after I’d confirmed for them, they would say ‘Thought so, I can see from the way you walk/run/pick something up.’ My way of moving in such moments was influenced through my years of ballet practice, but I was in such moments not deliberately trying to be graceful, nor did I ‘feel’ particularly graceful (Until someone would tell me I looked graceful of course, lol).
Other than ballet, the word ‘grace’ or ‘graceful’ never really came up within me as a consideration or an aspiration in terms of being/becoming a graceful person. My experience with ballet is my only entry-point when it comes to this word, so let me look at it more closely.
Ballet is tough, man, lol. It is often laughed about as silly or childish or ridiculous, what with all the twirling and such… but the extent of physical training that goes into ballet is no joke. The very intent of ballet seems to be to defy the laws of physics, of gravity – yet again, while making it look like it is a breeze. I’ve never personally gotten to a point where I could say that ballet is easy. Even at my best, every class was difficult and challenging, not to mention painful. Yet, I did, over the years become better and better at making it seem that what I was doing was easy, effortless, only normal and natural – and I learned that for ballet, this impression of ease is as important as the actual physical technique, strength & flexibility that must be developed. So my experience with ‘grace’ in this respect had two sides: the side that I actually experienced, including the physical strain, effort, pain, tiredness, the challenges and difficulties – and the side that I would present to others as the ease, the competence, the effortlessness, the enjoyment. Energetic charges to the word: From exploring my experience with the word ‘grace’ from my ballet-years: I can clearly see how I have polarized the word within me. The actual experience as the negative pole and the projection/presentation towards the outside/public as the positive pole. Dictionary definition Noun: 1. Simple elegance or refinement of movement 2. The free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings Verb: 1. To do honor or credit to (something or someone) by one’s presence Sounding of the word ‘Grace’ G-Race Gray Great Ease Ace Grandness Gross Crass Creative Writing Grace has an element of forgiveness within it – whether, towards self or another, a gentleness, a ‘do it again’/second chance without judgment. It’s like the opposite of being hard on yourself, yet more grounded than ‘gentleness’. Grace is a seeing, forgiving and directing all in one.
How grace has been lived or portrayed within religion, grace was extended ‘without merit’ – where it is implied that forgiveness and support was not deserved or that morality dictates they should actually be punished. So, ‘by the Grace of God’ includes/embodies that dimension of it being out of the ordinary/transcendental/a grandness of being, which I relate to a superiority/exaltation – being ‘better than good’, lol.
Though, in dropping the assumed/implied underlying morality – grace is an expression of support that doesn’t require a judgment of good/bad beforehand. I can see this is where I have lacked within myself, or what has been standing in my way of living the word ‘grace’ in clarity, as an expression, because I tend to still, even if subtle, first ‘cast judgment’, so for grace to co-exist with that, it would exist within a point of superiority, of exaltation that I will apparently ‘rise above’ – so there is still that polarity at play of what I would present myself doing, or if I would eventually forgive someone or myself, it is apparently this amazing gesture, which stands in contrast to the negative judgment as the first automatic/instinctual tendency.
So – what is grace without polarity? What is the essence of grace?
(To be continued…)