You know how Facebook brings up these ‘memories’ as pictures that were posted exactly x amount of years ago? Today the picture Facebook brought up was this one:
Most people probably see 4 bald individuals hanging around together at a random moment – “kind a weird, but whatever”, lol. What I see is something else. As I saw the picture, I immediately smiled and experienced a deep gratefulness, especially in seeing that this picture of the 4 of us (Leila, Gian, Lj and I) was taken 7 years ago. I knew I wanted to share this image and my experience of it and why – but I was for a moment dumbstruck in having no clue how to word it, how to explain our dynamics and who we are to each other, because in a way it’s ‘out of this world’. I asked Lj his perspective and he says ‘well, it’s family redefined’. And you know what? That’s EXACTLY what it is. I had actually never considered the word ‘family’ as appropriate to describe what and who we are to each other, because my definition of that word was so loaded with my perceptions and experiences of myself with family members growing up. Those relationships all somehow seemed to be characterized by mixed emotions, love-hate relationships, or with those family members where ‘love’ and ‘hate’ are too strong as words, then at least familiarity/safety on the positive end, and dread, obligations, irritation and compromise on the negative end. What comes up in hearing ‘family’ is this merky messiness that I’d rather steer clear of as much as possible, as though it might just suffocate me if I get in the middle of it. None of that is characteristic of the dynamics between the 4 of us in this picture, instead there is a simplicity and clarity that is supportive and grounding. I will attempt to open up and explain all of this further in my next blog. I must say it is quite a challenge as I’ve never put any of this into words, to me it’s just what’s been here/what’s been lived. Stay tuned ;).