A few months ago I had the pleasure of walking a Life Alignment session with the lovely Jozien Fokkert. At some point in the session she tested out that the word ‘Wild’ was one for me to look at, redefine and live. Oh dear, I experienced immediate resistance right off the bat. “Ugh, not the word WILD!!” lol. So, of course, having that quick of a reaction to a word, I had some things to look at.
The first thing that came up was this image of a group of women dancing barefoot in the rain within this experience/expression of ‘finally I am free - yeah - woohoow - I am so free’ lolol - which for me is how I’ve defined ‘freedom’ from my mind’s perspective within ‘going wild’, gong into a form of extreme in order to feel that I am no longer adhering to the norms, values, shackles of others, society, the past, or even my own beliefs/judgments/expectations. It’s those types of expressions that can be absolutely supportive in breaking through old patterns, move through a point of limitation and into expression, and can be absolute fun in a genuine spontaneous moment of expression - but when I try to ‘sustain’ such moments/experiences, it’s like I keep trying to ‘recreate’ something that has passed - where it’s no longer a here/genuine expression but becomes just a new personality or state of mind of ‘wildness’ to in a way cling to an experience of freedom - a ‘just look how wild and free I am’, lol. So, this image highlighted a pattern where I’d given ‘wildness’ this ‘allure’ like it holds a key to our freedom if we just ‘dare to act differently’ - but where it more becomes ‘an act’ than a natural, real expression.
Then I saw - okay - that’s more a point on a personality/mind level and how wildness is or can be interpreted, let me now look at the physical dimension. Often, looking at a word in its physical manifestation can show a whole different dimension or expression of the word. So I looked at wild in terms of wild animals in the wilderness. Here also, at first, I experienced this ‘allure’ of ‘oh yeah, the wild is so nice and wild animals are so free’, lol - but then going, Maite, wait, come on now, you wouldn’t survive long in the wild. Seeing here how I held a ‘romanticized’ idea of wilderness in my mind as the realm where beings, experiences, expressions are still ‘pure’, ‘magical’, ‘untouched’ - but in reality - the day-to-day of for instance animals in the wild is literally a ‘kill or be killed’ survival situation that has been made all the more difficult and challenging with the vast changes in their natural habitats, or what’s left of it, due to human interference. There’s been a resurgence of ‘wanting to go back to the wild’, just living in/with nature - and while I am sure much can be learnt from it, and I agree that we need to be more in touch with nature and the animal kingdom, I’d say we’re also kidding ourselves if we think it will ‘make it all better’ or that we’ll somehow ‘feel more free’ just living in the wilderness. We may not be or feel constrained by the rules/norms of our current human society, but we’d have different kinds of laws to abide by.
Then I said to myself - okay - those are two perceptions of the word ‘wild’ that link with patterns that I don’t really see as being solutions or a way that I want to live the word ‘Wild’ - but that doesn’t mean there isn’t one. So, what would that look like? I just took a moment to be quiet and sit with this question and what came up then was the image of a wolf, much like the one in the painting - but it wasn’t so much about the wolf and the fact that he is a wild animal living in the wild - it was more about the quality of ‘wildness’ that is seen/felt in his eyes - an untouchable ‘inner wildness’ that cannot be compromised, altered or captured by anyone but the wolf himself.
In this context, to be ‘wild’ is not an act or ‘show’ of ‘look how wild I am’ - a wolf is not going to put his wildness on ‘display’ lol or try to act all ‘funky’ or ‘unpredictable’ (wahaha - this is giving some funny visualizations). Nor is this wildness defined by survival or how close or far removed someone is from rules/norms/standards/expectations - it’s more a quality of knowing yourself and fully owning yourself in determining who you are no matter where or with whom you are. Where, despite the circumstances, despite the environment, despite the input and regardless of whether we travel as a lone wolf or in a pack - we always have that inner space, that inner sanctuary where we are the ones who decide ‘what goes’, what we’ll accept and allow and what not. It also means we alone are absolutely responsible for who we are - where, even though the inputs/environment/circumstances may have been shitty, misguided or downright abusive - whether or not we allow it to define us and how we respond to it, that’s on us.
Wild in this context also means that we have a freedom that cannot be taken away from us. Even if we have to at the moment for instance accept a job we don’t really enjoy, but stick with because it puts food on the table and a roof over our heads - we can see that as a point of enslavement/control/compromise, or we can realize - while that is not ideal, it doesn’t have to define me either, I don’t have to be miserable in it, I can find ways to challenge myself within it and grow within or alongside this job, hey, maybe even create some change along the way, or find/create a different path for the future. It means, we can participate in the structures, institutions, practices ‘of this world’ as how they’ve been existing for such a long time that ultimately at the moment don’t really hold our best interests at heart - without becoming a product of this world. In that way - we even have the chance to practice a form of alchemy - ‘taking in’ the inputs from this world but changing who we are in relation to them, redefining them and ourselves in relation to them - to then ‘output’ a different response, a response that deviates from the standard behavior, the standard experience, the standard reactions, the standard diminishments - and in those small and seemingly insignificant acts of freedom, challenge the entire status quo and invite the world to move and change along with you.
It’s a new take on being a ‘wolf in sheep’s clothing’ - where, it’s not necessarily about ‘standing out’ and ‘acting wildly outside the norm’ - we may look just like any other person on the outside. But within us we can carry and nurture a torch of change that comes through and can be seen or felt in moments of speaking, responding, touching, moving, standing, or even in our silence - our very existence becomes ‘revolutionary’ when we approach life and freedom in this way - a silent and ongoing process of change that can go unnoticed, or not - either way, it would be a natural expression, not something that is ‘forced’ or ‘sustained’ for fear of losing ourselves.
Andrew Gable gifted me the Wolf painting in the picture several years ago - since my session with Jozien I’ve been using it as a reminder to connect with and live the word “Wild” - to remember my nexus of power, to not try to focus on all the things ‘out there’ that are beyond my direct power and control to change, but focus on who I am, what goes on within me and direct my inner ‘domain’, nurture my inner flame and re-light that torch if I have to. Then step into the world and breathe life into it, one moment, one conversation, one step at a time.
Thank you, Jozien.
Thank you, Andrew.
💖
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